Well, he officially hates me. Says he cant be friends with me anymore. And for that I say GUYS CAN BE SO STUPID!!! How is it that he starts going out, having fun, partying, meeting all these women, then decide 2 weeks later he doesn’t want to live with, who he now realizes is, the love of his life…?! WTF! And what did I do, I cried (lol). I was so hurt and heartbroken and upset. Feeling not good enough, not confident and lonely. But I said, “Oh well”, and kept it moving. Spent time working on my attitude, got back in the gym, and focused on letting my broken heart heal PROPERLY. So NOW that I’ve moved on and he sees all these guys interested in me, and NO females are really trying to get at him, he wanna “make something work”. WTH!! A month ago I probably would have went for that, but NOW, no way! I learned to love me and enjoy who I am as a person and it turns out that a lot of other people enjoy me as a person too. Why would I go back to someone who made me feel crappy, especially when they haven’t changed themselves?!?! I wont do it! But now he hates me. Now I’m making a big mistake. Now its all my fault and I’m a terrible person. Never mind all the things I have done for the past 2 years to make this work. Yea, just never mind all that. And never mind all the stuff he did to make us fail. Yep, that’s not important either. *sarcasm* I guess I’m just such a bad person for not taking him back. I guess I’m just a bad person for finally protecting my own heart from him. I guess I will just be a bad person then. I did what I had to do as a result of his actions. Never wanted it to be this way. And now when September 16, 2012 comes around I can take deep breathe, and be OK with the fact that there is no white dress, there are no flowers, there is no cake, there are no smiles, it’ll just be me. But hopefully by then, I wont even remember the date. Prayerfully it will be a distant and almost meaningless memory. It will be my Ex-Wedding Day.
Falling in love with YOURSELF again is one of the best feelings in the world. I will NEVER again be in a relationship where Im so blinded that I dont even realize that in trying to love them I lost love for myself. So blinded by love. But now that I can see…. :) Im just so thankful I can see again. Im more confident than I have ever been. Im learning to how to get back to the good positive habits and dropping that crappy ones I picked up from the relationship. I PRAY I can not be bitter or angry at another man. I PRAY that I learn how to trust again. I PRAY that I dont make another man suffer because of things my ex did. I just want that to all be over. I just want to be better. Im slowly getting to the point where I can completely open my eyes, no longer filled with tears, and see again. Im so thankful Im not blinded anymore.
I dont write NEARLY as much as I think to. i really need to work on that.
So today was another day in the life of awesome me! Had a long work day but it was great. I felt SUPER productive and I def feel like Im on my way to the top! Yea, i love that feeling ;-)
It has only been a month since I moved out and it has really been great! Im loving every aspect of it. Especially the exhaling! In this month we have learned to be cordial. Im no longer feeling the stress, anger or frustration. Im am dealing with the “failure” feeling left from our broken relationship. Im not okay with failing, nor will I ever be, but Im learning to deal with it. Im learning to forgive and forget. Most importantly Im learning how to get back to the old fun-loving me! Nothing is greater than that! :)
Im being hit with an ABUNDANCE of fb friend requests. Its crazy! I have no idea where all this is coming from! Two different guys have asked me out. Completely random. Just goes to show what a sincere smile and a great personality can do for you. (Yes, I just tooted my own horn, lol.) Im still being very selective with the friend acceptance though. An old stalker is back at it again. Womp, womp. He soooooo needs a hobby! I cant just let anyone into my life. And my time is oh so precious to me. Most people dont have the talent to hold my interest long enough. Lol
You need to see that life isnt always perfect. We wont always get what we want. And though it hurts a lot, what should've happened, happened. Who should've left, left, and whatevers thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you need to be.
Big a$$ rose tattoos on your thigh!!! Most tattoos on the thighs are tacky. (Notice I said most and not all.) Buts seriously where is the artistic expression in getting a typical big a$$ rose on your thigh! Or your ankle for that matter. But truthfully I just dislike tattoos on thighs. Other tattoos that are pretty typical and wack
1. Claw scratches across your breasts, or thighs!
2. The tiger face in the butterfly outline ANYWHERE on your body! Lol
So what’s it like to be taken to another planet? I’m still trying to find a thought process that introduces a cordial composition of words to describe it! I’m not even allowing myself to get there! I will just say, its great! Lol. Last week, having someone induce the senses took me far away from here. A place I’ve never been. A place that was amazing where I could be myself and relax. I held back from the indulgence. Too much, too soon…? Idk! The trip to this other place was sudden and unplanned. Its like I exhaled, opened my eyes, and I was there. I wish it was that easy getting back to earth, because I don’t think I landed back on this planet until I was on 71 S approaching 70 E, lol. Now that I know this place exists I’m eager to be taken there again. Now THAT is a whole different topic. Hmmmm… Me being taken there again… Yea I cant even open that up for discussion at this point in time! Lol.
Hahaha!! Your probably thinking I had sex with someone!! I don’t describe sex. You will never read that on my blog. Sorry!
So much that I cant even catch up. Cant make sense of a lot of things right now. I just know that Im living life, I love my new apt, and I still love my job. I guess things will just start to fall into place.
Just thinking about all that made my head hurt! Lol