Well, he officially hates me. Says he cant be friends with me anymore. And for that I say GUYS CAN BE SO STUPID!!! How is it that he starts going out, having fun, partying, meeting all these women, then decide 2 weeks later he doesn’t want to live with, who he now realizes is, the love of his life…?! WTF! And what did I do, I cried (lol). I was so hurt and heartbroken and upset. Feeling not good enough, not confident and lonely. But I said, “Oh well”, and kept it moving. Spent time working on my attitude, got back in the gym, and focused on letting my broken heart heal PROPERLY. So NOW that I’ve moved on and he sees all these guys interested in me, and NO females are really trying to get at him, he wanna “make something work”. WTH!! A month ago I probably would have went for that, but NOW, no way! I learned to love me and enjoy who I am as a person and it turns out that a lot of other people enjoy me as a person too. Why would I go back to someone who made me feel crappy, especially when they haven’t changed themselves?!?! I wont do it! But now he hates me. Now I’m making a big mistake. Now its all my fault and I’m a terrible person. Never mind all the things I have done for the past 2 years to make this work. Yea, just never mind all that. And never mind all the stuff he did to make us fail. Yep, that’s not important either. *sarcasm* I guess I’m just such a bad person for not taking him back. I guess I’m just a bad person for finally protecting my own heart from him. I guess I will just be a bad person then. I did what I had to do as a result of his actions. Never wanted it to be this way. And now when September 16, 2012 comes around I can take deep breathe, and be OK with the fact that there is no white dress, there are no flowers, there is no cake, there are no smiles, it’ll just be me. But hopefully by then, I wont even remember the date. Prayerfully it will be a distant and almost meaningless memory. It will be my Ex-Wedding Day.
Falling in love with YOURSELF again is one of the best feelings in the world. I will NEVER again be in a relationship where Im so blinded that I dont even realize that in trying to love them I lost love for myself. So blinded by love. But now that I can see…. :) Im just so thankful I can see again. Im more confident than I have ever been. Im learning to how to get back to the good positive habits and dropping that crappy ones I picked up from the relationship. I PRAY I can not be bitter or angry at another man. I PRAY that I learn how to trust again. I PRAY that I dont make another man suffer because of things my ex did. I just want that to all be over. I just want to be better. Im slowly getting to the point where I can completely open my eyes, no longer filled with tears, and see again. Im so thankful Im not blinded anymore.