As I threw this 3 ft bear at him and stared at it on the floor. I remembered something…
That young man who bought me that bear for valentines day a year ago was wonderful. I loved him so much. He made me smile and we enjoyed each other’s presence so much. We yearned for each other in those day. You couldnt keep my heart away from him.
That bear. That gift. That time. That love. We lost it somewhere. Through growing up and growing successful we lost it. He gets on my nerves and I get on his. No longer do we share a pure love, but one boiling with anger and mixed with pieces of a broken heart and tears. We were IN LOVE in those days. Now we just love each other. And everyone knows LOVE is just not enough sometimes.
Still at work. I was done an hour ago. I been helping my employees get done with their stuff so I can leave. Smh. We were slow today and they STILL didn’t get everything done. I spent more time helping them than I did doing my own work. I even got a late start on my work and STILL got done way before them. Smh. This just don’t add up! Tomorrow they better have it together! I don’t wanna be at work an extra hour again! :-(
What's your favorite feature?
What do you notice first about the opposite sex?
Do you have pets?
Do you commonly wear jeans?
What color are your eyes?
Do you like flowers?
What made you choose your tumblr username?
What’s your favorite feature? Eyes What do you notice first about the opposite sex? Smile Do you have pets? Nope :( Do you commonly wear jeans? No What color are your eyes? Brown Do you like flowers? Love them! What made you choose your tumblr username? I say everything is awesome, so I figured I’d say I was too! Lol
After a shitty day like today, I Became aware, that yes, things Could be worse. And i’m only Depressed, because I’m dying. From Everything, that I wish I could just Forget. God! Why can’t I just go back to when I was Happy. Why can’t I stop the past two years from happening, Just help…
As I pack up my apartment and prepare to embark on my last night here, I’m seeing the evidence of a fairy tale that was in the making. Pictures of happy faces. Notes that were attached to flowers. Lists of wedding dresses options. Details of reception halls. There is so much evidence of a strong, and beautiful love that once lived. A love that is now only surviving through a life support system. A love that creates a desire inside of me to be resurrected. But a love that has lasted maybe too long and is draining to keep alive. Maybe its time for the plug to be pulled… This apartment now serves as a crime scene. A potential murder has taken place here. Our love is dying. I don’tknow how to save it. I don’t know if I should even try. These are my memories…
We argued again today. So what else is new! He always does bs on my day off. I told him I hate him. I think there might be some slight truth to that. He has made me so miserable at times that I there is a strong dislike brewed within. Probably not real HATE though. Im so ready to have control over ME again. Meaning, when he talks there’s not place to run and I have to listen. BUT, when I move, I dont have to answer my phone AT ALL, or answer the door if he comes over! YES!!! How awesome is that! Lol. I can just do me. Relax, listen to music, read. Enjoy talking to other friends and having friends over. Im so excited about all of it. Who knew I would be this happy to have my old life back. Although I think it might be bittersweet. I mean sure I lose a headache of a person, but I also lose love.
I told him I went thru his phone. He probably thinks I do it all the time now, smh. I have looked thru it before. Randomly, just had this feeling. I saw want I saw and never said anything about it. I cant believe I said something about it now. I dont regret it but it was just old news. Of course he STILL tried to make an excuse for it. And of course I didnt believe it, lol. It never ends with him. Actually, it will end FRIDAY!!! Did I mention how EXCITED I am about moving on Friday?!?!?! Lol
I don’t wanna hear your lies! Ive heard them all before! Why tho? Why keep lying. You know I don’t believe it. You know its stupid. Why just keep saying it? You forget the other stuff you did tell me so then your lies don’t sound right. Its def stupid! Its stupid to just KEEP LYING!! You always end up doing so much better telling the truth. Why doesn’t that make sense for you? I mean what are you really getting out of it? Well, except me just never believing ANYTHING you ever say cause its probably a lie too!!! I just hate all the lying! I hate that you’re a liar. But most importantly I that the fact that you’ll probably NEVER change. Smh… Like father, like son I guess. Note to self, if he tells you his dad was a dog then he probably learned it from him! NO BUENO!!!
LONG day at work! Got into it with an employee. Dont like feeling like I need to fire someone. I dont want to have to fire anyone but I WILL and not think twice about it! He was just so disrespectful and cocky. I dont even know how to treat him now. I have no respect for him…
Another day of just be being AWESOME!!! Had a great morning. Had a great afternoon. Had a great day at work. Didn’t have to yell at any employees or write anyone up. That’s always a plus, lol.
I hate that its lowkey cold outside again. I mean I wasn’t ready for it to be super hot, but I don’t want it to be cold either. Its supposed to be SPRING! Which means nice cool weather. I feel like I might need to pull the boots back out again. Smh…
I have 8 MORE DAYS!!!! Only 8 more days til I’m out this apt and into my new. OMG, I CANT WAIT!!! So hype about it! I don’t even feel like shopping for new apt stuff anymore. I just wanna move! Once I get in there I will probably update some stuff. I’m thinking new art, new bathroom decor, etc. Everything else is still fab and new.
My day in a nutshell… Awesome as usual! What else would it be ;-)
There’s a lot that I could say. There’s a lot that I can rant about. But… why start all that BS!!! Lol
Only a 9 DAYS left!!!! I’m finally moving. Wish I could say I was moving out of the city, state, or even COUNTRY!!!!! But… I’m not! I’m moving down the street, lol.
I moved into this wonderful suburban apt on a whim. I embraced every bit of it and the fresh start that came with it. I thought it would open doors for my relationship at the time too. It did. But it also became the very place that stores most of the bad memories of the past year of my relationship. Every corner I cried in, every wall I stared at for hours while I tried to heal my broken heart, every mirror I looked into as I wiped away my tears. God only knows how I so desperately want to get out of this place. If these walls could talk… Oprah would write a book about it and Tyler Perry would try to make a movie off of it! Lol. OK, so its not quite that dramatic.
So do I love him…? Yea, I wont say I dont. I WILL act like I dont care and I WILL act like Im totally fine with moving on. I do care, and Im not totally fine. However, I gotta move on and I have to learn to not care. The bad memories out weigh the good in this one. Ive waited for the good memories to come. I cant wait any longer. In the time that I wait for them he makes more and more bad ones for me. Time to charge it to the game! Right…?
Hmmmm. Idk… Truthfully I’m full of bad emotions for him right now. I need a break from him to figure it out with a fair heart and a level head. Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seemed. Maybe there are plenty of good memories waiting to be resurfaced through my daydreams. I really cant say for sure. We didn’t live together long but when you make that move when your not ready, you can destroy a relationship. We thought it would be better for us. We thought it would bring us closer. It destroyed us. Maybe Destruction was the destiny of the relationship. Or maybe Time is our friend who keeps trying to intervene. We don’t know right now. I just know that I DO love him. But I still recognize the fading aspirations that I once had of a happily ever after.
Hmmmm. How does he feel…? He says he loves me. He says I’ve always had his heart. Do I believe it…? Idk. Want to, but don’t want to be stupid either. But how he feels ISNT NEARLY as important as HOW HE ACTS! I cant even go there. His actions are all over the place! And his excuses for his actions are the worst! I cant even deal!!
So right now I’m left with just moving on. I’m excited for my new start. New apartment, new job, and a new love for life. 9 times out of 10 I’m wearing a smile. It gets me far in life, lol.
Sooo….. TA DA!!!! My first blog. Coolio! Much more to come. I’m looking forward to this new journey :)