I think I’ve been spending too much time thinking about the past. It somehow seems to be a direct result of me focusing on the future. I think about how to make things different or better for myself then I think about how I got to that point in the first place. I’m not sitting around regretting, just thinking. I’m not even really wondering “what if”. I’ve feel like I’ve come to far to start thinking that. I guess, just thinking about how to prevent myself from being in certain situations again. Just trying to figure out how I got to a point where I don’t feel completely happy, but what I could’ve done better and will do better in the future. I can really feel the level of control. I’m enjoying the feeling/
Funny thing about that thought below is, that’s actually how I always thought love really was. Incomplete, yet being in pursuit of it with that someone special. Then I found out I was in the pursuit all alone. Now, I don’t think I quite know what love is. I don’t understand any of that anymore.
“I’m not yet ready for the kind of love I desire to have. However I had an interesting thought. What if real true love wasn’t complete honesty, complete selflessness, and complete patience. What if real love was the commitment of two people both in pursuit of those things, and their ability to put up with each other’s bullshit to help push each other to get there. Just thinking about it.”—(via charlesblk)